Life took over and the cancer won but not in the way that you think. He needs to focus on his health and his kids and cannot be in a full blown relationship while he works on this. I totally understand and agree.
I was the expendable piece but we are still connected. He cannot take on an intimate relationship while he navigates the moving pieces. And I agree with him. I have to take some hard looks at the PTSD that has come up and hit me like a ton of bricks. I get too easily triggered by it and I want the demons finally dealt with.
I start intensive therapy in the morning to finally lay the sexual abuse to rest. I finally want to know what was done to me. I want to face it head on so I can fully step into who God wants me to be. I love Anthony more than I ever though possible. He has become my safe harbor, and I hope he knows how much I love him. That is not changing and I do not want to date anyone else.
He is my 9 of cups, in Tarot speak. But I need to focus on me for now. I need to heal the parts of me that are still crying at the little girl who was not protected at the age of 4 and 5.
So time to put in the work, work in the silence, move in the shadows and tell the devil to finally fuck off.
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